Aridity
by Rabble Rouser
Summary: Kirk and Rand make a dessert crossing.


Aridity

By Rabble Rouser

DATE:  June 14, 2002

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:  This one is Djinn's fault. (Though blame me for the execution). Her encouragement, her beta, and her challenge on _Enterprise and Beyond_: "take the Archer-Tucker 'crossing the desert/finding the hut' scene in Desert Crossing...which was actually pretty shippy for a non-ship couple...and rewrite it for your favorite pair in any series."

© 2002 Rabble Rouser

v v v

Okay, Janice thought, looking out across the desert, maybe every journey starts with a single step—but when every step leaves you in the same place? For the life of her, she couldn't pick out one landmark to give herself a sense of perspective or progress. She couldn't even make out their tracks behind them. The hot, incessant wind erased them as soon as they took a step. Although given their need to elude their pursuers, that probably wasn't a bad thing. 

She used her hand to signal Kirk to stop so she could take another reading with her tricorder. They spoke as little as possible. The sandblasting wind and scorching heat made them ration every resource, even words. When she licked her cracked lips, she found the moisture dissipated instantly leaving her with the taste of dust and grit. Sand had invaded every nook and crevice of her body right through her uniform. She sheltered the readout with one hand and pressed her face close. Given the featureless, undulating dunes, it was difficult to keep to their course. She glanced back up to see Kirk swaying on his feet. She moved to his side and steadied him with a hand. "Captain?"

"I'm fine, Yeoman," he said with a weak attempt at his heart-stopping grin. But he wasn't she could see now. He wouldn't complain of course and she had been too wrapped up in her own misery to notice. Besides, she admitted to herself wryly, some part of her bought into his image as the invulnerable knight in shining duranium armor, needed to buy into it. Despite the heat, she felt an icy chill go through her. Wake up, Janice, he's human too. 

She gently moved a clump of hair from his forehead revealing a livid, swollen bruise. She felt despair wash through her and channeled it into rage. She couldn't afford the fear or the despair. Not now. "Another mark of Keliban hospitality?" She aimed her tricorder toward him. "You have a concussion. Why didn't you tell me you were injured?" 

He shrugged. "What could you have done about it?"

"This." She slid one of her arms around his back and wrapped one of his arms around her waist. "Lean on me." He stiffened and pulled away. "Captain, the shelter isn't far. Please. Let me help." A small shock seemed to go through him at her words and he slowly nodded.

"How far?" he asked. 

Translation, Janice thought, I'll only let you help me so far and so long. "Less than an hour," she equivocated. Assuming, of course, that the shelter didn't turn out to be a sensor mirage. She looked up at the sky. Given the sun's position, it would be dark in a couple of hours.

She was surprised he didn't protest more. Not a good sign. He didn't put much of his weight on her but her help appeared to steady him. Or maybe he was drawing from those seemingly unending reserves of his. Despite the heat, the exhaustion, and now her gnawing worry for him, she was intensely aware of his nearness. Every part of her body pressed closely to his tingled with an electric sense of him. Their two layers of clothing seemed to dissolve where they touched. God, even now I can't turn it off. Or maybe he can't? She avoided looking at him and put all her concentration into keeping her footing. After a while, she found a rhythm that allowed her to continue automatically as if in a trance.

"Yeoman." She heard his voice speaking intimately into her ear. Could feel his breath caress her cheek. "It's been over an hour. Shouldn't you rest?"  

She stopped and looked at him. Saw the taut set of his jaw and narrowed eyes that told of pain unspoken. Yes, time for him to rest. Though she wouldn't say that. She carefully eased him to the ground and only then felt her aching back and trembling legs. She took a shallow draught of the water in their canteen. The water had been warmed by the unrelenting sun yet felt cool to her parched throat.  

She held out the canteen to him. He shook his head. "I'm not thirsty."

That was enough. "Stop it! Damn it, stop it!" She couldn't keep her voice from getting shrill. "You don't have to play the hero to me. There's no one else here to see. You're not a camel—you've got to need the water as…"

"Rand." Though his voice was soft it wasn't any less of a rebuke and it stopped her mid-sentence. "I don't have the energy for this." For your hysterics, Janice thought, her cheeks burning. "I'm your commanding officer and…"  

To her own shock she found herself interrupting. "And you're injured, and I'm more afraid of the stubbornness that won't accept help, won't show any vulnerability than the injury itself. Afraid you'd rather let yourself get sicker than trust me."

"It's not a matter of trust."

Blue eyes locked onto his hazel. "Isn't it?" She sagged in defeat when he was the first to break her gaze. She put the canteen in his hand and then scrambled up the escarpment. "Captain! I can see it.  It's only a few yards below us." She slid back down with a spray of sand, not caring about her dignity.  

Kirk lifted his head from sipping at the canteen and raised his arm up towards her. "I could use a hand." In the warmth of his voice was the only concession, the only apology, he would give. It was balm enough.

"My pleasure, Captain."

It was a measure of his deteriorating condition that she now had to half-carry him the rest of the way. She felt her fear for him make a tight, cramped ball at the pit of her stomach. Then she took her first close look at the hoped for shelter and her heart sank. Built near a dried up river bed, the shack was built of bricks of straw and baked mud. Half the roof had caved in and there was no hope of running water or even the crudest of latrines. Still, it would protect them from the sun for what was left of the day and give them a place to sleep for the night.  

Even as she lowered Kirk down to sit against the wall, she could see him take in the room, access its vulnerabilities and assets. He gestured with a hand. "This wouldn't be here if it wasn't part of their trade route. They know the terrain, better than we do. This would have to be the first place they'd look. You'll have to leave me here, come back with help."

Janice swept the room with the tricorder. "It may take longer for them to find us than you think. This place has been abandoned for decades."

"Rand, this is not optional; it's an order. Start out as soon as night falls."

Janice trained her tricorder on Kirk like a weapon. "This isn't a medical tricorder but I can still tell you have a bad concussion. It would be murder to leave you alone—suicide for you to order it. I don't have to obey an illegal order. I consider you incapacitated under Section 3458 and I am therefore not subject…"

"Good Lord, when did you become such a space lawyer?"

"I looked it up months ago. I expected some day I'd need it. Besides, a starship captain is much more valuable than some yeoman and I have a duty to…"

Kirk started and glared at her so fiercely she flinched. "You...are..._not_...expendable."

"Neither are you." 

Kirk clenched his stomach and started shaking. Concerned, Janice kneeled down at his side only to find he was quaking with laughter.

"What is so damned funny?"

"You. My yes, sir and no, sir, would that be all sir, yeoman taking me to task. You've changed a lot in a year." The pride and affection in his voice tore at her heart. She refused to think about what could happen if the Enterprise didn't find them in the next several hours. She averted her face and stepped into the shadows before he could see what her expression must be revealing. "Yeoman..."

"I'd better go see if I can find some more water and kindling." And before I make a fool of myself though that will probably be inevitable before the night is out. 

She looked along the edge of the dried up stream near the shack until she found some damp sand. Good, fresh water would be only three feet down by her reading. She began digging with her bare hands and a nearby rock. Very good, Janice, you've regressed from the space age to the stone age. She gratefully filled her canteen and then went in search of materials for a fire.

By the time she returned, night had fallen with the abruptness of the desert. She saw Kirk looking up through the caved-in roof at the open sky. For a while she stood in the threshold just looking at him. His face had the enraptured look of a saint in a religious ecstasy or an artist in the midst of a creative vision. There was a sensuousness to Kirk that he exuded as naturally as breathing. But there was always a purity too—never more than now with his face bathed in starlight.

"Janice." His voice was joyous. "Come look." She sat next to him, looked up, and gasped. Keliban was much closer to the galactic core than Earth and near a stellar nursery. Spread out before her was a night sky of wonder spangled with far more stars than Earth. As she had gone about scrounging for whatever they could use, she had never thought to look up. Had never thought this harsh, ugly place could hide such magnificence. But she couldn't help but feel that the sight of him drinking it in was even more breath-taking.

"The Enterprise is up there somewhere. They'll find us." His tone didn't allow any other possibility. 

"Yes." In the dark she found her hand reaching for his and to her surprise he didn't pull away but squeezed her hand tightly. For some time they rested against each other looking at the stars. Slowly she felt his hand relax in hers. She looked at him and saw his eyes were closed. Her heart pounded and her breath caught in a sob. She shook him violently. 

"Captain. Captain Kirk." He snapped awake and she collapsed against him in relief. "You've got to stay awake. We've got to stay awake. The temperature is dropping quickly. I found kindling for a fire but there's still a danger of hypothermia." She set out the materials and began to build their campfire.

"You seem far more comfortable around this environment than I would have predicted."

"You mean for a girl of elaborate hairdos and exotic perfumes whose favorite color is pink? I guess I value those things all the more for how I grew up. My father was a dilithium miner. A small-time, unsuccessful one. Do you know what that means?"

"I know most dilitihium is found in very rugged, barren terrains."

"And it's boom and bust. Sometimes my dad was so flush it was time for Deltan silks and perfumes and Andorian sherries. Other times…once when he was drunk he tried to sell me. Mom says he was joking but I'm not so sure."

During their conversation, Janice had been intensely aware of his eyes on her. Her hair was a mess and she had set to detangling it with her fingers and twisting it into a simple braid. Her beehive do was fine on the ship but hadn't held up well today. She knew the effect she was having on him when she had let her blonde hair spill down loosely and shook it and she couldn't help but secretly revel in his attention. It was all part of the game. She would try to get him to notice her legs or other choice parts. He would pretend not to notice and she would pretend not to notice his pretense.

"Is that why you joined Starfleet?" Kirk abruptly asked. "To escape that?"

"Yes. Why did you join?" Kirk was quiet for such a long time; she thought he wouldn't answer. "Sir, if it's too personal." 

"It's all right. You know about Kodos, about Tarsus?"

"Riley's a friend. And after what happened at the play the whole ship was abuzz with the story. Riley told me you kept a group of children alive for months down there. You could have hardly been thirteen."

"My father's fleet. But that didn't inspire me to join. All I could think of was how often he was away from us. Yet the stars always called to me. I was hungry to be out there among them. I nagged Mom until she allowed me to visit my cousins on Tarsus. I was more excited about the trip there on a starship than the visit itself. I was there—during the famine, the slaughter. My group had finally been captured. We were so close to being executed that they had already read out our sentence. And then they came—Star Fleet. I'll never forget it. I finally understood what my father meant—about the chance to make a difference."

"He must be very proud of you."

"He was killed in the line of duty not long after I returned from Tarsus. But at least before that happened I told him how proud I was of him." He leaned toward her. "You know I recommended you for the officer candidate program. Why didn't you take the test?"

"I told you. I'm happy on the Enterprise. Just like Scotty, and Doctor McCoy, and Spock."

"Bad examples. All of them are doing what they were born to do and would consider a promotion to captain a punishment. You on the other hand have the potential to do so much more."

"Being the Captain's Yeoman is important," she protested adamanently. "Admit it, administratively speaking, things were a mess when I came aboard. It's a very demanding job."

"Yes, it is—it takes a lot of hard work I know. I've never had a better yeoman and likely never will. But you could do it with your eyes closed. That's why you've had the time to learn things like helm and communications and why you've had a chance to take on more duties. But I can take that only so far before your responsibilities so outstrip your rank and position that you won't have enough authority. It's time to move on."  

"You could give me a field commission." His eyes in the starlight looked black, all pupil. Dimly Janice registered something wasn't right with him. 

"You can't get the training and respect you need from serving on the Enterprise alone. You need the academy credential. It's that simple."

"Are you that anxious to get rid of me?" She did her best to fight her reaction, to force the sobs down her throat. But she couldn't stop the hot, bitter tears from spilling over.

"No, Janice, no." He leaned over and drew her against him, gently wiping her tears with his fingertips. It was too much for her. Too much to have him only inches away from her. Before she could think better of it, her lips were brushing against his. At first he drew away, then deliberately took control of the kiss. His teeth tugged teasingly at her lips until they parted to allow him inside. His lips had been cool and dry but inside the well of his mouth was a sweet oasis where she could rest forever. They broke apart breathless and shaking.  

Kirk cupped her chin in his hand. "Is that why you stay? Because there's no future in it. I can't give you what you want, Janice."  

"You can't tell me you don't want me!"

"I can't deny I'm intensely attracted to you. But I'm not in love with you." Janice flinched and he took her face between his hands and forced her to look at him. "You are a beautiful, amazing woman who deserves to have a man utterly crazy about you."

"I don't care if you're not in love with me. I'll take whatever you'll give."

"And what's that? Preparing fuel consumption reports—picking up my socks. Perhaps more as the captain's bedwarmer? We'll have to sneak around the ship behind people's backs—because make no mistake if it was known we were lovers, Command would separate us. And if in that time I had come to care about you the way you want me to, what then? Do I give up my career and come to hate you for it? Do you stay on Earth like my mother did waiting for a visit every five years or so? You're a woman with a very bright future wherever you choose to make it. But not with me."

As if that was all he had the energy to say, Kirk slumped against the wall. His pale face glistened with the sheen of perspiration. Worried, she felt for his pulse at the throat. It was irregular, weak. She could hear his labored breathing. The concussion? Shock? Hypothermia? She didn't know and felt completely inadequate. Alarmed, she went frantically looking again through the shack for something to warm him against the cold night air. All she could find was a couple of dusty, dank smelling straw mats. She used one to elevate his legs and the other to cover him. 

"I love you." She had to say it. She might not get another chance.

"I know." His voice was tired, slurring. Somewhere he found the strength to find her hand and clasp it. Then his head lolled on to one side and his eyes closed and nothing she could do this time could wake him. She lay down against him to share her warmth and tried hard to remember her childhood prayers.

As if in answer, the air sparkled before her and a familiar hum filled her ears as four figures formed before her. When she saw McCoy's craggy face, she wanted to cry. But the time for that luxury was over. She waved the landing party over. Janice stood anxiously as the Doctor and Chapel worked over Kirk. McCoy took a reading and then pressed a hypo against Kirk's neck. He and Chapel exchanged a few words, then Chapel stood up and smiled at her and squeezed her on the shoulder. "You did everything right. He'll be fine."  

She saw Spock lean down and easily pick Kirk up. Vulcan or no, the concern on his face was as naked as on any of them. The one, safe place each of these men could give their love to was each other Janice realized. No one would separate them.

Suddenly Sulu was beside her wrapping her in a fierce hug. "We thought we had lost you. It must have been hellish down here." She hung on to him tightly, not able to trust her voice. If this was hell, then why did she feel that in leaving it the gates of paradise were about to be shut against her?

v v v

Six weeks later Cadet Janice Rand reported to her commanding officer one last time before leaving the Enterprise. For the last time she had taken off the bright red yeoman's uniform for the gray and silver of a cadet. There were other changes too. Her hair was cut short just grazing her shoulders. Uhura had tried to talk her out of such a drastic change but Chapel had understood and helped her make the transformation. Since returning from the planet, she had buried herself in work and study for the exam and used protocol to recover her dignity and distance herself from Kirk. She took a deep breath and hit the door signal.

"Come."

He stood at her entrance and she saw his small double take at her appearance. "You cut your hair." His hand rose as if of its own volition to touch it. Then he seemed to collect himself and squared his shoulders, clasping his hands behind his back. He smiled at her and despite herself Janice felt her pulse race. "It suits you. The uniform does too. I know you'll do us proud."

"Yes, Captain. I just need your signature on this." He took the padd from her and her breath caught as their hands brushed briefly in the exchange. It would be okay. She only had to get through a few more minutes and he would be out of her life.

Kirk signed it and handed the padd back, then leaned against his desk and crossed his arms. "Cadet Rand, did you really think I'd let you get away with that?"

"With what, sir?"  

"With sir-ing and captain-ing me to death." He embraced her and she closed her eyes and for a few heartbeats allowed herself to give in. To rest her head for one minute against his shoulder and for the last time drink in the clean, masculine scent of him. 

"Janice, you're not getting rid of your friends so easily. I want you to let me know how you're doing. If you don't, I'll sic Uhura and Chapel on you."  

At that she pulled away from him. Damn him! Just when she was about to reach escape velocity why did he have to pull her back into his orbit? Captain and sir him? Janice? When in his right mind, had he allowed her the privilege of his first name?  Spock and McCoy were in that magic circle, not her.

"Yes, Sir." 

Then Janice walked away, not seeing Kirk reach his hand out toward her only to let it drop, then sit down to turn resolutely to ship's business.

The End 

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